A man around his 30 is sitting in the graveyard murmuring words perpetually. Thoughts running on his mind like a machine or a flow of water in the sea; following the memory from one place to another place.
<!– wp:paragraph {“align”:”center”} –> <p class=”has-text-align-center”>I’m just looking at the terrifying fangs.<br>Come to save me, divine flowery angel.</p> <!– /wp:paragraph –>
A woman has been looking at him intently and passionately. Her eyes are winking unconsciously on a cold morning due to the cold breeze. Her jaw is tilting either of shock or the cold breeze.
He is sitting on a bench, eyes closed, inhaling and exhaling longer. She eventually tries to come near him, sit near him, and talk to him out of her nervousness, but somehow she was afraid to disturb him. And like this standing like a statue, she became increasingly aware of time passing. And somehow, she finds the strength and says she is sorry for losing someone so special to him.
He doesn’t say anything for a long length of time. The man feels like he has been dreaming something. The noise that he heard seemed also a part of a dream. She doesn’t know what to do at the Time. She is still standing, full of nervousness and pity that he didn’t say anything in return. She is shaking now from head to toe. She doesn’t know what to do. And eventually, she sits beside him on the bench; in rage or pity she doesn’t know. She observes the yard which is surrounded by lofty trees. And in between there are graves on which are put many beautiful flowers for the lost ones. Birds are singing and somewhere in the distance the water running noises is making the atmosphere more refreshing. She thinks how beautiful the view is and at the same time also dark ones from inside the people’s mind. She wonders how people look beautiful when they are either sad, or to themselves without acting like there is life when there isn’t.
She thinks she should leave now, pick up the bus and reach home on time. When she is about to leave, he opens his eyes, stops uttering words and she asks softly, ‘Hey, why are you here? Whom did you lose?’
Breeze is high and cold. Her hair is becoming uncanny and it made her eyes a bit colder.
My fiance died a few months back.’ Again there’s a pause. A long pause.
He eventually says ‘But, how?’
‘Car accident’ she said in a low and frowning voice as though she had been saying the same thing for a long time. ‘And you?’
‘My girlfriend’
‘How?’
‘While … She ran from one place to another’ he still hasn’t looked at her. He hasn’t moved his eyes yet. Continuously looking either down or straight.
‘From where to where?’
‘From me to her new lover’
None of them speaks for a long pause. The atmosphere was changing. In the distance, thunder seems to be passing through. Clouds took place the heat and the sun. The breeze became as fast as their thoughts and memories. They both seemed to have the same memory of this particular clima around.
‘Do you come here everyday or?’
‘No, only today’ his voice was thick and heavy now.’
‘Do you still remember our together spent days?’
Now he opens his eyes and looks at her. ‘YES, every fucking day.’ his voice was so cold like melting ice.
‘And YOU?’
‘Yes.’
Then why did you leave?
‘I don’t know. I still can’t find that answer.’
Again, none spoke for a long time. High wind made leaves drop from trees. The change in atmosphere made them think properly. They were together for a long time and she moved to another city for an internship and she found someone else. She still asks herself could a person love two people simultaneously.
‘If I say ‘I still think about you perpetually, would you believe that?
‘I don’t know. I’m better this way. I like getting burned like this.’
‘But what if I say I would never leave you.’
‘Didn’t you say that before too?’ His eyes are burning like hell now. A tear fell from her eye to cheek. She wiped that out.
‘If you don’t care anymore then why did you arrive here?’ she eventually asks.
‘I don’t know. I woke up and took the bus. Perhaps,… I wanted to see you.’
‘I don’t understand on the one-hand you want to see me which says you miss me and on the other-hand you don’t wanna be with me.’
‘Please, tell me’ she hisses out of her nurverness now. ‘This coincidence has to have meant something, you know.’
He shook his head towards her and told her with the agony of years that ‘Tell me, you won’t blame me in future. Tell me you will be with me, no matter what. Tell me you care about me. Tell me — I won’t have to lose my self respect – you to stay.Tell me…tell me … tell me… fucking for the god’d sake tell meeeeee’ His eyes are wet now and tears are streaming and eventually says in a low voice ‘Tell me you …love me’ She stands up suddenly approaches him stands near him and covers his mouth by her hands.
It was a monsoon afternoon, Jelly got a date named ‘Joy’ by her close friend Jene, who had been her crush for two years. The boy had blue eyes and a medium muscle figure. The girl and a boy met outside the café and as he was her crush she was blushing a lot and also had tension whether he would like her. Her mood was in excitement and she was blushing. As they entered the Café whose walls were yellow and orange coloured, all people stopped talking – the utter silence spread from the reception between the walls and open woody windows. Jelly couldn’t give heed to any of this awkward situation, however, Joy the boy did notice that something was wrong like watching a silent dream. They sat on the left corner from the reception and ordered their coffee. When the girl started a conversation the mood of the café set in its normal phase. Till their coffee was served, they talked about their college and next vacation and hobbies and so on. They finished their talk and they realized: It was raining outside the café; among the trees around the café rain could be seen. Her mood altered and she said to Joy she liked rain and that wet atmosphere and the smell of it and soon the café filled up with the green smell and the people around them started talking with excitement about rain and the last trip and the village and so on.
Joy became curious – how could it be possible – a very beautiful moody people and the smell and the view outside the window. However, it seemed to him, if the mood of the people is good like this forever, everything would be like heaven on the earth. It seemed like a moody day to him. The content silence was in the air – no hurry to go anywhere – no tension of completing any task – the present was everything. At this moment she got the call from her mom who lives in England that her brother died in a car accident. Of course, she could not tolerate that so she started sobbing without noise and before she could tell Joy about that, the smell of greenery altered to melancholy and sad; people started sharing grieve memories; some started crying and some got the watery eyes as every person on earth has something to share which makes them cry. They hugged and Jelly shared with Joy that her brother died in a car accident. They hugged; went out and left the cafe in a deathly mood. It was her first day of getting this gift to play with people’s moods and somehow she would realise the altering surrounding with her intangible moods.
After her brother’s funeral she stayed for a few more days there. Now, only Jelly and her mom had left in her family as her father had already died when she was 5 years old and till now, her older brother was paying her college fees. Her mom told her she would pay for the fees but Jelly wouldn’t agree on any part as she had already decided that she would do a part time job and be self-sufficient.
Boy called her many times but she didn’t answer his calls. She wanted some time to get peace. It was fifteen days before the exam, and she arrived in Dublin. Even though she had exams soon she decided to work on a part-time basis at a restaurant where her friend used to work as a cashier. Her shift was from four to ten o’clock.
Joy wasn’t that rich either. But he didn’t need to work as he had already got the scholarship. Although Joy had been worrying about her, he didn’t try to approach her after she began attending school. He was in the third year of Electrical Engineering and she was in the computer engineering field the same year. Both had one common exam paper, therefore both were in the room for the first time in three years. When she entered the class, the exam had already started and she was breathing hard; she was panicking as she had missed the bus. She sat on the first bench. The whole atmosphere changed – all of them started breathing hard except Joy, even the madam who gave her the exam paper and wished her best of luck.
She didn’t know Joy had been in the same class as her. He was sitting on the last bench. Again she didn’t notice what happened after she entered the class. But he did. Again. He finished the paper earlier than her. Decided to wait for Jelly. She saw him outside the college gate and he approached her.
Hey, both said and shook their hands. He asked, everything okay? and she said yes, and she asked him the same question and he answered the same as her. Both stood looking far from each other nervously – holding their own hands. When tension began making noises he told her what happened in the classroom and how all other students had also begun panicking as she entered and how everything had changed at the cafe the other day.
She was flushed. She had no idea what was going on. She was speechless. He read her reaction and continued, come somewhere quiet and let me show you what happens around you.
They both walked about 500 metres or something on the streets full of trees on both sides and there was a place where people were playing table tennis. Both had their bags on their back and uniform on. She said, see, nothing is happening. Actually nothing happened. A few minutes passed. He bagan doubting himself that he had hallucinations about what had happened in both the class and the cafe. She was looking at him and said that you are lying. Aren’t you! You wanted to talk to me and that’s why you said that right and you wanted to bring me here. He said: No! No!. But enough time had already passed and she began leaving him. She was about to leave the room and he asked her: How is your mom doing! It must have been very hard. Sorry for what happened. And her reaction changed, her mood became melancholy and her face was painful and the look nearly of frustration. And she saw around her – she saw a girl who had stopped playing and also some others who seemed grieving from something. And then again, their moods changed to excitement.
They got out of there. They both wore shoes and college uniforms. White shirt and black pants. Started walking slowly. Other few students were walking about ten metres before them and strangely, their hands touched – first hands and then squeezed. It was a completely out of the blue moment. She found her comfort somehow. They were now aware of holding hands and they continuously walked silently. She was obviously thrilled by what happened at the tennis court. she had many questions in her mind but didn’t ask as she had no idea about it. They talked about their hobbies and he dropped her at her home and said bye. She arrived home, threw her bag, and lay on the bed without thinking about anything. She stared at the fan and couldn’t think of what was going on. The more she thought the more uncomfortable and desperate she became to think of what just happened. So eventually, she tried sleeping. She always slept whenever everything seemed too much inside her head.
After that incident, they began spending a lot of time together. Began meeting after her job. He would walk her to her home. And there they talked about how they could stop this changing in the atmosphere. And while talking they started understanding each other. When she would laugh at his jokes or some of the matters of his family. The whole surrounding would bloom like a flower blooming and they felt something deep inside. Faces full of sorrow tuning into bliss and joy.
Time passed. Boy suggested that they should spend some time together and get to know what’s changing the surrounding. They had been feeling now they had met their destiny ‘cause they both had been feeling some kind of amazement which they had never felt before. It’s the air that was changing – the mood swings. They both became addicted to each other’s company. They didn’t call their meetup a DATE or anything. They just went on trying to come up with some solution. But it was getting serious now.
Once they were sitting on the bench of the garden between her home and the place she works. Their vacation was about to end. She was worrying about her mom and how her life had become a mess in a few years. Yesterday I got a call from my mom and she said she was fine. Everything was fine. And I wonder how simply a person could lie to each other. Something was getting on to her breath. She was inhaling and exhaling rapidly. Her hand started trembling on the bench where it was resting. And as it started trembling, the whole ground also started trembling like an earthquake. She saw the increasingly rising fear in his bulging eyes. The trembling increased. Breeze was fast. Dirt was everywhere. Some branches of trees fell. She put her hand on his hand and held it tight and looked into his eyes.
She said, what if I stop loving you. He was exhaling hard. It was the first time one of them had mentioned loving…
How is it possible? He asked. You just say and you can’t simply unlove …
So you love me, right!
Yes, I do. He said.
How much time passed till then none of them spoke they didn’t know, but there was a silence, a comfortable silence. Both sitting looking into the woods. Her train of thoughts seemed not stopping anywhere. Is it what love is? Enjoying the company of each other and it happens or is there something else hidden. Could we call the addiction of each other – the love, or do we need something extra the physical touch? However, she knew where you get to know with someone in all the moods and even in the weird ones you know, yeah – JUST KNOW. Is love that… when two persons kiss each other and love begins?She always fantasised about what loving means, and the whole world was saying that physical touch and shit. She also had been in a relationship before and she liked touching another person too. But what she felt with this boy ‘Joy’, she came to know that physical connection could give you anyone but, isn’t that talking about anything for hours and not get tired of each other the real intimacy? The place where you don’t crave the physical touch but the laughter, the emotion and life to be shared, and to be understood by someone.
She thought a lot about it. And when she was still thinking he asked her what are you thinking about? She said don’t know. Just thoughts travelling here to there to finally YOU.
He said – It often also happens to me. I know. And again, there was silence.
He began saying: ‘Do you remember the Tennis court?’ she said yes by moving her head. Just thinking, How these players had begun cheering up!°And it was exciting . At that moment, you must had been thinking nicely of me then. And he winked at her. Yeah. You hope so then.’ And both laughed. And again there was silence.
‘My grandmother once said to me that the real power is being in control. To have control over everything. At that time, my mom used to say that my father was strange. Even once, I heard her saying to someone that my father died strangely. Like he went somewhere, a huge storm and earthquake happened and he died amid all of it. It seems like a power inherited in my DNA.’ she said and frowned. They sat in silence for some time even though he had millions of questions popping in his mind. Now the surrounding was: the wind hustling, trees tilting, leaves spreading its hand and they became increasingly aware of the change and it was becoming more intense with every second. She was having a thought that she would die just like her father. And the question was how to control this? The bench they were sitting on had no tree upon it. They knew they can’t move from here and if they did then they would die by falling a tree upon them.
They looked into each other’s scary eyes. To comfort her, he put a hand on her hand and squeezed it. She approached her other hand to his hand and they squeezed their hands and moved themselves towards each other. He could feel her fast breath and see the tension on her forehead. She kissed him slowly, first lips and then tongue. For a moment, he opened his eyes and saw everything frozen like time had stopped around. He saw that the leaves, the air, trees tilting everything stopped moving. He put both his hands on her neck and pushed his tongue inside her mouth gently. Now their tongues were dancing. She ran her one hand under his shirt and another brushing his neck. It was so-intense to her that her whole being had stopped. She on the one hand had never felt this extreme closeness, the comfort with anyone else and was eager to give everything into it. One the other hand, she was so afraid to end up like her father.
And when they stopped they observed that the leaves, the trees, the wind and everything were falling. Everything began getting normal in a few seconds as it should be. Like normal weather. Thunder had stopped now. But leaves were still on the streets and the weather was still cold.
They sat there looking at the changed surroundings. Wondering about what just happened. Completely confused. However, they had a new relief now. The fear had stopped. The thought was running inside her mind was they can’t kiss everywhere or whenever this kind of thing happens. And she was sure that this kind of change in surroundings only happened when he was around her. She asked him ‘Should we break up? Or ….’ and he replied ‘Or kiss everywhere and calm yourself?’ They both laughed. And in a few seconds they became nervous and conscious. She was aware of the risk and better not risk his or everyone else’s life. He accompanied her to her home as usual.
She opened the door, threw her purse on the bed. Took a long deep breath. After an hour or so, she called her mom. Both said about missing each other. She told her about an incident and her mom told her how her father had died a few years back. Her mom told her about Jelly’s future plans in Dublin, her home city. After an hour long discussion both said bye and she put the phone down. Still not having a proper idea of what’s going on and what she should do. Anyway, she woke up the next day with a heavy heart and broke up with him, in the hope that everything would be better one day. But deep down she knew she would never be okay with that decision and would have to meet him one day, but till then she would suffer like hell – saying she doesn’t love him and even if they did she said they would die one day like her father did. And that thought trembled her whole being.
– Nikunj Virani
(It’s not the end… there will be more in part two 🙂 )
I hate this one word, I don’t know why, but I hate it. I hate saying “Sorry” and if I ever say it I mean it, Yes!!… I fucking mean it for god’s sake ’cause it comes out from the far below the depth of my gutter where some words are restricted to speak out. He said with being a bit angry. For some days she had been behaving a bit strange and ridiculous and not interested. He had been trying so hard to make her stay and on the other side, she was taking a step away every time he ever tried. He had been telling SORRY for what he thought might have done wrong ‘cause he had literally believed he might have done something and she might have felt it bad and was may_be, therefore, behaving that way.
Fuck that then, don’t tell me sorry. I don’t deserve it. Tell someone else. she said and shrugged. Her eyes became watery and her voice husky. She said it anyway.
They were seated in an open cafe near the sound of water gurgling and the beautiful view of the river. It was a winter evening; the cool breeze was making their jaws clutch harder. A dim yellow lamp was upon them; helping to see every bit of one another.
Why don’t you understand that I’m not playing? I don’t play at all! I don’t know from where girls or assholic boys learn to not giving a damn after many months of talking and promising, and how they start giving NO SHIT just ’cause their one of friends got played. He stopped sighing, however, he began inhaling longer now and continued. I don’t know from where you have gotten ideas, but I don’t play, OKAY! For god’s sake, I don’t. Don’t you understand that huh!! he sighed again. He ran his right hand on his neck as he was being uncomfortable, his left hand was on the round wooden table, almost shaking.
That was gross, wasn’t it!! You don’t understand that it’s the world here boy, it’s the world of games and the great game is not giving any damn fuck after all of giving too much shit to something. She said cooly and shrugged.
Don’t you wanna fall in love ever!! he asked in a very low voice by getting afraid that she would not say anything. She did it many times when she was in a bad mood or mad at something. It had always been hard to mend her from her moods and once it was done she is a blooming flower; happy and content.
I don’t know, she frowned. Cause whenever I do, that other one messes up with me. They don’t want it till the eternity of this world and at the end or something whatsoever I don’t understand. I till now, have felt that I got played very well for the fuck’s sake.’ (and somehow, I stopped believing in this shit) she kept the last one to herself. However, the word SAKE was their favorite word in an uncomfortable conversation.
For some minutes, the silence spread and killed them both which, however, used to be very comfortable, and romantic, and even sympathetic. There was this hidden tension between them as both were afraid of losing people in life, may_be not just people but each other – the connection and intimacy so rare that both believed that they might never find another person like this ever again. But there was one thing in her own world or mind, she had thought and believed; it was very common and cool but wasn’t.
They both were seated on the table nearest to the river from where a great view could be seen. They both liked this view though however, today wasn’t about the view but something else. It was an open cafe and a few people were seated. Two couples, a few boys bragging on something and all at different tables. The counter was on the right side of him almost six meters away. The noises of the coffee machine turning on and off could be heard in the distance and one couple caught their eyes among the miraculous silence; that was created in their hearts and that couple was seated on the far corner of the table just at the edge of the light. The light wasn’t reaching there much, perhaps the lights got broken. So that their faces were in a bit of shadow but their body floated in the blackness. The left hand of a boy was on the shoulder of a girl like protecting and both were laughing about something a girl had just said. They often seemed to be touching each other. And the giggling and laughter could be heard from that corner. They both looked at that corner one after another and it seemed as though it made her angrier to reminisce about these moments of laughter and happiness together. It’s painful and seems impossible to let it go when you get those flashbacks. The next moment he understood she was angry and now, he perhaps won’t be able to mend her mood. His body became shivering – the sweat began popping out soon. His own heart was sinking by looking at that couple.
So did you get me here after everything I said to you about me… and explaining to you for not to believe in that gutter?? She knew he was talking about her miserable ideology of believing in playing emotional games.
Nope, I don’t. I still don’t get it, she said.
Why? he whispered and cringed that she would go away. He couldn’t hide water coming out of his eyes. He rubbed his eyes and looked away.
It’s just …um I don’t know…I just believed that …ahm…, Her voice was somehow shutting down, it’s just a game to play.
Who taught you that?
I got it from one of my friends, everyone played with her. And…she always told me … it’s just a game to play. And we are the players, you must be the better one, that’s it. If you don’t wanna get hurt then…, She said and they both understood it clearly. He liked when she tells the truth and becomes honest. They both knew each other so much that so many things they expressed half and both got it just like that. She had worn the navy blue Indian dress and his grey eyes couldn’t resist noticing the combination of both dress and dark sky behind her.
In fear he asked, may I ask you some….?
She was looking down on the table; hands cupped, fingers crossed and she bowed after a horrible silence of 30 seconds which almost seemed like more than 2 minutes.
Do you really believe it’s a game?
No, she said in a very soft voice. I never believed that. It’s just my friend that keeps forcing me to believe. I have never believed in that shit. she said last words like she was crying and put her hands on her face.
He offered a hug to her and the next moment, she was wrapped under his arms. He looked at her before she set on his bench for a hug, her face was sad and tired and vague. Now, they were sitting on one table in front of the horizon.
Do you believe in forever? He whispered in her left ear and she hugged him harder. He could feel her touch on his head; his hair being muffled gently. She knew he liked his hair being touched and he rubbed his hands on her wrist and he buried his one hand on her hair and ran his hand on her long hair gently on purpose that everything will be OKAY. An old feeling of content and relaxation ran over them.
While stretching out from hugging she tried to touch his cheek, and he had to stifle a shriek. He thought she was trying to slap him. Her fingers were wet as always. He could see her red wet eyes which met his and abruptly, she got her control back. She was in the habit of touching his cheeks and kissing a bit on his mouth.
I don’t know, I have to think about it… I have to think about it.
She understood it works like magic. Magic she thought was a lie, and now, realized that lie was in the world of others and not hers. From that moment, she started believing in not playing with anyone anymore.
There’s only one thing to tell and all say it differently and that’s the beauty of being described in many beautiful ways. It’s worth it. Some say it’s bullshit and still do believe in this shit. And that’s the beauty of actions and words, isn’t it??
But, what if I want to shut the fuck up? What if I don’t want it, don’t want this… anything at all? She said. She sometimes freaks out by thinking of the future and everything. And when she does she makes some awful decisions which about, she also had never thought of.
I think it doesn’t make sense anymore. she said. Now, they were seated facing each other.
Who told you this? Who tells you to mess up every time something is about to happen? Why? Why? He was about to scream. His whole body was shaking. Do you fear that I would mess it all up and before I do, you want to make it all happen by yourself – just ’cause that has happened in someone else’s story!! He stopped and gazed at her, trying to make eye contact; to find the truth in her eyes instead of words and she knew that he was telling the truth. She had believed in so many things just ’cause it was said by her friends or in some tv shows or movies or some other person who seemed good and famous or something in such a way that life is lived carelessly and make others miserable by your actions.
Let’s be friends for heaven’s sake, Lina!! He said thumping his hand to the table. We have kissed, YES, for sure many times at least. But what’s this? Can’t we have it at least — just talking, you know? He said. The connection they had was so obvious and true and both knew that.
No, we can’t. I don’t deserve you. Find someone else, She said eventually.
But I’m not expecting anything…. Anything from you my grace. We can have it for some time …if that’s what you want to, he wanted it till the eternity of times but he can’t let his mouth open as these are frightful and dangerous words and now, he couldn’t make her talk for even five minutes, then how could his mouth say eternity and all.
You want a reason?? The goddamn reason! why don’t I want it!!…then listen. I have got bored of you…I don’t like you anymore. Her gaze said is this now clear? But the expression she made after she said was completely obvious and that was anticipating her to not let it go. Not ruin for her own self.
He couldn’t understand why words say different and eyes deny. Why?
You can tell me if I have told you a bad word or anything you didn’t like that can’t be talked between two normal people…do tell me, please!! He had been sensitive for weeks. Now, there was no ego left in him to talk to her. It was an ego-free zone. He had never talked with anyone that freely and selfless and he thought; if he would not do it now, then he knew the person sitting right in front of him would be gone in a second and he can’t or must not let that happen. He was not in the position to lose anyone or… especially her. He had lost many close friends; some went to other countries or cities for either job or studies, some simply stopped calling after either school or College; he had often thought he should try calling them and even did but there was no effort from the other side, but now, he didn’t care about losing every bit of his ego and letting that person NOT – GO – AWAY from him was the only thing left to do and he must not let that thing happen to him anymore – not in any case.
After that in a minute, she left the cafe. The blackness spread around him and his thoughts became white and black and colorless.
Two months later:
He was sitting alone in the same cafe at the same time, same seat; drinking black coffee and thinking he should have done something after their last meetup; at least call her. However, at the end of their last meet-up; she told him she would call him or text him if she is interested. And the next moment he began reminiscing about everything; he couldn’t resist cringing himself from something and repeating the same thing to himself with his hands thumping on the table: I want to forget everything, every shit and every piece that tells me I love her. I don’t wanna be sorry anymore. I wanna hide that shit within myself. I just want to get rid of it and that’s it. But deep down, I know it’s an impossible thing to get over. And I won’t mustn’t couldn’t and eventually shouldn’t. It’s all just being said or thought inside gutter some mind. Now, it seems okay. But could I see the world like this just after 5 minutes? would I be the same person I have become now? Would I stop caring that much after 5 minutes or would I start caring much more after 5 minutes from this current mood of adversity?
I know and don’t know at the same time for god’s mercy what should I do!! Should I kill myself every day for being a dick for thinking that once upon a time I had fallen in love with a girl and can’t live without her or ‘should I venture into the shoes of future?’ Why does this train of thoughts don’t want to stop being a pain in an ass? Why does it matter so much to me? Am I too afraid that I won’t get someone just like her?
And his vague head answered in return: yes, hell yeah. And it’s true you won’t ever get anyone like her. She was and would always be a miracle… A star whose after, you fall deep into the wilderness not only for now and before, but for ever.
Jay, his girlfriend – Jenisha, and one other couple had decided to go to the cinema to watch a movie, but somehow her girlfriend’s mom got ill so she could not come, and with that, his other college couple also declined. Though as ‘Scorpio part two’ was one of his favourite movies, he decided to go. He never cared about watching the film alone as before his girlfriend came into his life, he used to watch a film alone in the theatre.
He entered the cinema hall, the movie was about to start; only Jay and one old man were in the cinema hall; Jay sat in the middle of the theatre amid two sidewalks and the old man sat on the right side, a row below him, the corner seat of his right collum. The film began with a vivid atmosphere; a perfect beach life and stealthily it started to turn upside down; in film, an ill redhead awful joker had come back after many years to spoil their life. If anyone sees Joker that person gets killed and many got killed by that even in dreams as the suspicious killing was the main threat of joker.
Jay had heard that there was a Joker many years ago who used to appear after some ten years; he didn’t give much heed to them but he though had a little doubt as that news story was published in a city magazine.
Before the interval, a group of people (the defenders) in the film who got survived in the first part of the film tried to escape but couldn’t as the joker’s power was increased. At the interval, Jay fell into sleep and woke up with the joker on the seat of an old man. It was almost dark and very tiny lights were reaching their sight. Something hideous like a long collum parted red tongue was spreading out of his mouth and the horror creepy music of the film in the background was playing loudly as something was about to happen and reaching him.
Jay normally did not afraid of ghosts; though he never said he didn’t believe in ghosts or something creepy like Joker.
As joker crawled with dropping blood on the floor, Jay tightened his grip on his seat; sat tight with the thundering heart on his mouth and intangible fearful feeling on his body. Joker jumped and grabbed Jay’s face and vomited the blackness on Joy’s eyes. His large torn tongue grabbed his face in haste; a lot of blood dripped from his mouth and finally, his whole mouth opened and in a moment Jay’s head was into Jokers creepy bloody mouth – all of it happened so quickly that there was no time left to rescue himself. Suddenly, he woke up and found the movie running and a dead man nowhere. As soon as possible, he got out of the theatre and reached the washroom with the biggest panic attack of his life; sweat bubbling on the forehead – breathing heavily like on full moon high tides touching the shore and go away. And there as he entered the washroom an old man was washing his hands alone. He had become so afraid of that old man that he decided and waited till that old man to go, but when he turned Jay found he was the bloody joker and in the second joker was standing beside him and he got eaten by joker’s strong tongues.
Now, he again found waking up and vibrating with deadly shock and thought: it must not be a never-ending cycle. Again he heard the loud mysteries music and found it on his usual seat. Suddenly, without going into the washroom he ran like an enemy behind him and slapped himself to see whether he went out of dreams.
It was a beautiful day for her. These days, however, every day – every hour was beautiful and vivid to her. Her moods were dancing for the whole day. She was working at City bank and had a busy schedule for certain hours. It was 3:45 and a message popped up on her mobile screen: ‘So busy my lady! Coming there in a minute to make some transactions.’
She read that and excitement touched her mouth. She was feeding some data on the computer when Jack entered the bank with his dog. They passed smiles and he came directly towards her table where blank slips were.
It was the main branch of City and therefore still at this time, the bank was crowded with 26 customers and 10 bank workers. Everyone was busy on their own mess. Some customers were standing in line in front of the cashier. Some were filling bank slips and some were just sitting and waiting for something.
Jack’s dog was white and black – when they had met for the first time at some cafe, she told him casually that she likes dogs and she also had one once upon a time but died due to some sickness. And when they met again, he brought a doggy and said it was his sister’s, but she knew it wasn’t ‘cause if his sister has ever had one, he would have told her on their first meet up. She though liked that he bought the doggy there ‘cause she believed all excuses aren’t bad – like all habits aren’t bad ones. If it brings happiness to you then that told lie isn’t a lie it’s a reason for happiness.
They didn’t say hello or anything; their smiles were enough to let them know about the meeting sign. There was the silence between them and that was enough as a welcome sign. While he was filling details, four robbers with a black mask on face entered the bank; each had two guns in hand.
‘You all motherfuckers, lay down with hands-on head back.’ he heard a grim voice of the robber and the next moment, frightening the woman and their hisses and hatred. Everyone was in shock like coming of death. One of the bank workers was raising his hand to press the emergency button, but one of the robbers kicked him hard on his head and the next moment, he became unconscious; blood began flowing from his head. All the workers and customers got scared by that.
She was laid down beside her cubicle and he beside the writing desk three meters away. Their eyes were talking like some kind of love language was being shared. The tension was bouncing and dancing between them not to get hurt anyone of them by robbers. All were laid down, even the manager of the bank; he was being forced to open the safe or give them its key otherwise he would kill everyone in the bank. The manager had already called 911 and was in doubt whether to open the main safe or make it longer to give them. He chose to make it longer as he was responsible for the bank. He first said the keys were in the second drawer near that girl with a black shirt (near her). Robbers went to check for the keys but they weren’t there. All the robbers began breaking and cracking everything! – the desk, glasses, …almost everything that seemed breakable. The main robber shouted angrily again to the manager
‘’where are the fucking keys?”
The manager said “the keys were there.’’ acting unknown – making some fearful face. ‘These keys must be on the third drawer, I’m sure of that.’’
“Check that drawer’ the robber shouted with anger.
One of the robbers checked and there were some keys. She knew the main keys weren’t there. The main stroke of fear was still in the air. In a minute, all the keys got checked and the main safe was still locked. All robbers again began shouting and breaking everything, fear was remote now. Every robber had become crazy – pushing everyone and anyone whomever they saw. She still bowed and numb and he was the same. Looking at her both curiously and in the sign of danger; he was breathing heavily. One robber in anger kicked the manager and he became unconscious. Other robbers got furious by that robber’s action but nothing could be undone now.
After a minute, one robber came back to her front desk and saw a cup of coffee on the desk.
‘Tell me where the keys are or I will throw this on your face.’ he groaned.
‘I don’t know where the keys are’ she said with fright in her eyes and voice.
The problem was she knew and the robber had somehow found out that she knew, the way she had spoken these words.
‘I am asking you last time or you will be gone’ he groaned again.
As he said that, from behind Jack threw himself on the robber and while he did that other robber saw Jack and the next moment. Jack was upon the robber holding his gun and the other gun on him. One more robber came and put his gun on her. Jack had to throw his gun and put his hand on his head back. Since Jack had caught the gun all the noises stopped, but now, again noises began. Gun was on both her and his head.
‘Tell me where the keys are or I will kill him right away’ one noise groaned.
She had no choice left than give up on keys. However, this all happened within a few seconds or minutes.
She came forward and gave keys to them from one of the desks.
Now, in the next few minutes, they grabbed as much money as they could and put it in bags. And while they were about to leave, the police began gathering.
The Bank was on the ground floor. One police car had just arrived. Jack saw that and tried to go out of the entrance miserably. One robber grabbed him from behind and went out of the entrance. Jack was being walked forward with the gun on his head. Two Police officers were there pointing guns on them in a doubt for what to do. Everything was confusing. If police attacked them, one citizen would die and perhaps other robbers who were still in the entrance would kill the suspects in the bank. When they were only 3 meters away from each other something happened suddenly which made her believe her lifelong belief that some people (some rare people on earth) are bullshit and couldn’t be trusted.
The main robber from the behind pushed Jack forward and Jack at the moment grabbed their gun and shot another police officer with the gun he had brought with himself. Now, after taking the gun of the police officer he shot him too and the next moment, they both were on the ground with the blood on their corpses. Now, other police sirens could be heard from a distance and all the robbers (including Jack) with the big bags entered the police car and drove it with optimum speed.
Next day, she heard the news that Jack was a criminal and was one of the robbers. She couldn’t comprehend what to do in her life and believe anyone in the next relationship or never be involved in any kind of relationship at all. She put some weight on her thumb and closed it harder and hit the wall near her – her eyes were dark and watery since the robbery at the bank. She didn’t want to open it again to see the grotesque cruel world. Her suffering was beyond her any imagination to adequate the pain. But she knew she would be stronger and braver; she would pass it which now seemed almost never happening.
It’s been many days since I have been stuck in this dark and cruel and perilous doom instead of going to heaven (after DEATH, you know – the end of the body and both pleasant and awful life in this universe) as I had done an agreement with this fu..ing God that when I die, I go to hell otherwise I don’t die at all ( that could be the nightmarish metaphor too ). I had never feared death before I entered this creepy place and found that it had been filled with full of lonely creatures. The rule here is pretty clear. If anyone makes a noise that person disappears the next day, it seems like God has a gang in this shitti hell to disappear people or maybe we can call God the gangster of the all-time. And I’m saying this all because someone just screamed a few days ago and the next day he simply disappeared like a puff of smoke! It was all done in spite of neither hurting and screaming and scratching and not even any sound of denial. It seems like he wants this world to have no more voice than two people talking with each other. Meanwhile, I have begun doubting that God might have some hearing problem.
It feels like a prison from where nobody could escape, and even if you try and succeed, I wonder where would you end up! in heaven, earth or on another planet like . . . earth!!!. Who the hell knows, where anybody ends up from here, right! And by the way, is anyone sure where they are or is it the hell they are just talking about? I sometimes feel like I’m still on earth as I still need oxygen to breathe or it’s kind of a project of horrid doom and heaven. I sometimes even wonder what heaven could look like.
I have, sometimes, wished that let’s shout out loud and get out of this crazy moron land and find out wherever it ceases. But I want to find here my sister who died in a car accident a few days ago (as per my memory on which sometimes I have doubted too). However, as I talked people by speaking low voiced, every moron on this planet has lost someone so everyone is like: there’s on the one side darkness to stay and on the other side hope to find someone they have already lost.
As I’m a 16-year-old boy, I haven’t seen a world on a larger scale though I know what’s going on here. We, every day, find 2 bottles of water somewhere here which I feel that it is other than water ‘cause that’s what keeps us maybe having a metaphor or an inexplicable illusion that we are in the whirling bloody hell by not having proper thoughts of anything, I hope this is right unless it’s also an illusion of having such thoughts. However, what about these bottles of water! Who put them there? who are they, the servants of God?
Every day, I wake up, drink some water(which almost looks like it) and then sleep again or go outside to see from far away the people fighting with each other and kill each other over minor issues and smell the blood from a distance. I have made some friends here(yeah here too 😉 ): wild Jack, the same age as mine whom I meet 2-3 times per week and we do some crazy time pass shit together. Lisa, a white beautiful well figured 17-year-old girl, lives also near me (yeah there are damn filthy reeking tents here) whom I meet… almost three times per week and we take some risks and explore the hell like an adventure (but the bitter truth is it has been the goddamn suffering )which isn’t ‘cause mostly we have seen people killing each other by some distance and have never ventured to go near them. The land is dry and horrid bleak, far worse than the desert, sometimes there is blood everywhere, and sometimes not, sometimes I wonder who the hell cleans this blood every day or is it just an illusion of hell or it’s what hell looks like by the one hell of truth. Now, let me tell you what happened a few days (yeah let’s assume as days) ago:
Maybe a month passed, life had been totally unfair. Once after being a good friend of Lisa and Jack, I tried to convince them that we should do something, wander here maybe, explore to some distance( under the milky sun, yeah it seemed milky and wasn’t giving a warm light but soft) so we can know what this place looks like. Jack agreed with me but Lisa didn’t. One morning, I and Jack started walking, but, before even striding about three miles we found some tents and ground full of blood and all the crazy shit. Fortunately, there wasn’t any sign of any human being, people got killed as a butcher kills chickens. Creepy blood, blood, blood, filth, filth, filth. The more I looked over the place, the dizzier I became. Jack brought me back to the tent where I lived. I woke up after several hours. Jack was ill-humoured so he liked seeing the bloodstream and was content after seeing something new after the same crazy shit of every day.
A day after, we decided to explore again for the sake of inner curiosity. Lisa joined us this time. As we reached the camp filled with bloodstream there wasn’t any blood. Everything got cleaned up! didn’t know how but it was just like that – a miracle filled with magic. From morning to almost 2 hours before evening we saw nothing, walking and resting, walking and resting was everything. However. somehow we didn’t get tired. We hadn’t even needed to rest and though, resting was a part of the human body so for the sake of that, we did rest and I felt marvellous not to feel human weakness.
After many miles, we ended up at a mound and tried to see hell far away from where it met the horizon. Now, we got tired not from walking instead by seeing the same shit everywhere. Our mind had become weary but not Jack’s. We came back to a few hundred meters where we had seen two tents and stayed there for a night. Jack became very offensive while we talked about who will stay in which tent. He wanted his own tent so finally, we gave him. (At night some extremely offensive noises were heard so we never thought of going outside at night and frankly to give up)
Lisa and I had to stay in one tent. Somehow, she started talking about her miserable life on earth and I couldn’t resist and so I also began talking to her: She didn’t like going to school and surprisingly I also didn’t. Our some interests were even common like we both liked playing football. We both hated watching TV. However, she liked singing and I didn’t, so I demanded her nicely to sing a song for me and she did and it was madly beautiful.
The next day, we woke up and started walking again. Before we had even passed maybe three miles(it seemed so), some big guy with a huge axe came up and I thought we had nothing to fight for but there was Jack with a knife on the hand- the hero of the hell (i wondered where he found the knife, but then thought he might have taken it from these bloody awful tents). He went forward and the man with the big moustache and long hair attacked him but Jack slipped. I and Lisa strode away as fast as we could. But when we looked back from some distance, neither of them were alive. They both had killed each other. (Pure justice isn’t it? Two assholes killed each other?)
Now, we were in a weary situation.
‘our hero has died with honor.’ I said and laughed.
‘Think so’ she sighed.
A heavy Silence fell upon us.
( What the hell now? – I wondered)
A thing like a sun moved west and the cold wind was tumbling through my hair.
‘We should get their weapons. What do you think?’ I suggested.
‘It’s risky. You know’ she replied.
‘But the risk is our last hope. What if some other asshole comes?’
‘Yeah, right.’
‘Let me go alone then. If you don’t want to come. I will be back soon.’ I said.
‘No No I’m coming.’
We grabbed weapons and left that crime scene. We again started talking about our life on earth for some miles. Meanwhile, I could say: we had started liking each other. Now, we strode with holding hands, making fun and agreed on enjoying some moments before we finally would evaporate (in the air like from water becomes steam and here in the hell bodies disappear )‘cause we thought: Not today then tomorrow we will become like them: not even particles in the air we will be. However, there was nothing else to enjoy by sharing moments of our life than living in this creepy hell.
‘I never had any boyfriend’ she said, ‘It’s not like I didn’t like that shit you know’ she giggled. ‘I just saw my best friend Maria who had a boyfriend for two years and finally what happened? Her boyfriend broke up with her just ‘cause she liked joking too much! Moreover, he said ‘’You are not of my type!” She had laughed and so did I. ‘what the hell was he doing for that whole year? Is that that he liked her before and not now? Ohh, man! What the fuck man! that shit is huge and too bullshit, you know.’
‘Yeah’ I nodded.
Now, we reached the pick of the mound. She was walking front and had held my one hand which she liked to have someone near her. As we walked at the peak of the mound, a voice of foot scratching came nearer, and finally, I saw a man with long hair, tight jaw, his body followed after him as he strode. As we had held our hands, I pulled her with great force, and I realized that force could be helped to move forward so I pushed the coming man with my strong foot. The coming man tried to escape but couldn’t and so he got kicked strongly and finally, stopped rolling at the edge of the mound. We saw him with thumping heart till he stopped moving. Lisa looked into my eyes miserably like the end of the world and stopped shivering, grabbed my face, and kissed me like I had given her any signal for that. Her Soft lips were upon mine, rolling and pressing hard and showing love which no one had ever shown me before or liked me before on earth. Somehow time became infinity. And I realized there was also time and shit shit shit there was also the milky sun. She hugged me after that and said “ Thank you.’’ and eventually, after a long time in hell, I felt something. I could feel her thighs pressing against mine. Her breast making some moves and leaving no space in between two bodies. She entwined and whirled her one hand on my back and another on the neck, trying to feel me all, all at once and I gave her the same in return, with hands twisting and seizing.
Some kind of dwindling engine approaching could be heard nearer not only from one side from every side. Like some trap of zombies, from where there was no escape. We saw the fallen man rising from the corner of our eyes who looked like a walking grotesque zombie. She hugged tighter with this new reality or the End of . . . and we shut our eyes like this was the last moment of our life to evaporate. Maybe not of life ‘cause life was already gone long ago rather just an existence in this world in this goddamn universe and time again slipped.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, very hot air began roaring and wheezing and touching; somehow our bodies for the first time ever began sweating like wetting; making our chest and thighs adhesive — it almost seemed that our bodies had become some kind of magnet, leaving no space where it had not touched.
When we eventually opened our eyes, fifteen cars had circled us. And They all were clapping. I thought a new dream had just begun, that the zombie killed us and we ended up in the new suffering, new time, under the new rules and new offensive air. Eventually, a professional man with fancy goggles and clothes advanced and said to leave your weapon. We did miserably.
He said: ‘We are scientists and it was a project which you have just experienced. What a human feels when a human thinks he is in hell and we have concluded a lot now. Thank you so much for that. You, for sure, now have doubt that what happened to your friend Jack right!. And so let me tell you he is one of the scientists. And he still lives.’ He said proudly like we were some toys that could be used for anything, anything at all!
From behind us Jack came and blinked on us. ‘I’m really sorry to tell you guys what you had to experience’ sighed Jack.
‘You shit basterds. It’s not a game’ yelled Lisa.
She held my hands, turned on my side, and said: ‘tell me what’s going on. I’m not understanding anything. It’s more than worse. I’m not getting anything’ Even I had no words. I was completely in shock. We directly shifted to the hospital. I saw my sister sitting beside me when I woke up(she wasn’t dead, yeah). She hugged me a little and said nothing, just silence was enough.
After everything, scientists came and told me and Lisa everything of that experiment. ‘Your food had been given by tiny pipes under your body at night and one injection had also been injected every day after you fell asleep so you could not sense anything in the body at a day like no test, smell, etc.’
After a day they asked us a few questions regarding sense and experience and we answered as best as possible. We left that hospital and hoped to never look back. It seemed like the beginning of a new life.
Now, after a year, I and Lisa are still together and living together and sitting on the same bench in the school. And we enjoy school and life as the last moment of life being slipped away.
Coming there in a minute to make some transactions.’